you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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