He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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