I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
