you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just gift wrapped bread.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
