So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
