I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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