sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
