i don't like sucking hair
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
