OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize