Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
