The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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