he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
