Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
