So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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