I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
