onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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