i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
