I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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