I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
