apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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