This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
