Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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