Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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