She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
