I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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