Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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