After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
