You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
