Princesses don't give blow jobs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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