the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
