I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
