U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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