He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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