We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
why is half of my head shaved?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
