On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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