im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
