I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
