Me. At least after what I've been through.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
