Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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