Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
