So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
