I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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