my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
