PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
