I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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