I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
