i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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