Apparently you make a good broom.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
