But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
