Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
