Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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