u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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