Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize