I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
