My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
