Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
