Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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