I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
