I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
