dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
