The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
