Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
