the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
