you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
