i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
