he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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