And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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