Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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