I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
