roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
