lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
