I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
