they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
