just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
