I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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