i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
