My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
