It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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