i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
