I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize