I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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