Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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