I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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