I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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