my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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