Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
In America we eat man semen.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
