worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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