two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize