Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A+ Viking dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
