now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
