the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize