Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
