If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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