Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
