she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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