The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What a dumb baby whore.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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