drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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