just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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