i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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