I want to have your abortion
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
