The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
