i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Barsexuality is the new black.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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