You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
