sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
