My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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