They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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