Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
