if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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