I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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