I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
smell my finger.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
