you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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