I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
