peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
