some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
