i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
that is very illegal...i love you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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