he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
