She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
