So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize